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What does it mean to be living a Balanced Life?
And is work-life balance a lie?
I’m all about a balanced life. But it doesn’t really say much if you don’t know what I mean by that.
In this post, I will open up my definition of balance, as a way of life. We all have our own definitions for this mystery and I want to highlight that there is no such thing as more right or more wrong definition for balance or a balanced life.
I will address these topics in this post, in the following order:
| Different Ways To Define Balance (That I don’t agree with) |
| Why Work-Life Balance Is Said To Be a Lie? |
| Another Absurdity Regarding the Definition of Balance |
| The Liberating Secret You’ve Been Waiting to Hear – Forget the Guilt |
| Balanced Life Is a Process, a Way of Life |
| My Definition To Balance (we all have our own!) |
| Clarifying What Balanced Life Is NOT |
| How To Bring More Balance In Your Life? |
| Action Steps For You Take |
Different, common ways to define Balance and Balanced Life (That I don’t agree with)
For some, a balanced life all about healthy eating.
For others, balance is firmly separating professional life from private life.
And for some people, balance is about diving their time into equal time blocks between important things, tasks, and people.
"This relates to the most common mistake in defining balance. The idea that balance means giving equal weight to everything and doing it all. This not the case, not at all. Balance is about mindfull prioritization but we’ll come to that later in this article."
These are just examples, I’m sure there are a lot more ways to define balance and balanced life – as you’ll see none of the definitions above completely covers mine.
You may also have heard the declaration that ”work-life balance is a lie!” This relates strongly to two of those definitions described above, so let’s start with that.
Let’s start with:
Why work-life balance is said to be a lie?
This claim is strongly based on two things: A problematic definition of a balanced life and the fact that most of our time is consumed by our professional lives.
Nowadays the boundaries between our professional and private life are becoming vague. We are always connected to our emails and we socialize with our colleagues on social platforms of the Internet.
Many of us work in high-pressure positions when most of your productive work happens in your mind. This means that it’s impossible to leave your professional mindset at the doorstep of the office on your way out. If you are one of these people, you tend to open your laptop at home too. Maybe not on a daily basis but sometimes.
Then there are people, who work entirely from home. How are they supposed to draw a strict line between their career and family life?
"So, if your definition of balanced life equals that your professional and private life are not allowed to collide with each other, you will struggle with finding balance."
Another absurdity regarding the definition of Balance
"Then there’s that definition of work-life balance, where you distribute your time equally between your professional and personal life. You are too, struggling because you are trying to do the impossible."
Let’s dive into this:
For most of us, work, including commute, takes around 10 to 12 hours. So, that’s around 14-12 hours left for your personal life.
And since you are merely human, you need to sleep.
In order to feel rested, as an adult you should get at least 7-9 hours of sleep.
There goes that 7-9 hours, so now it’s only 3-7 hours left for your family.
But then again, you also need to do other stuff. Shop for groceries, clean, other chores.
Where did all that time go?
If all this happens in your life, there’s no way you could cut out a time slot for your personal life, that matches with your professional life. Maybe you can, if you work entirely from home but for most of us, it’s not reality.
Both of these definitions described above, Keeping your professional and private lives strictly separated from each other and dividing your time into equally distributed time blocks; These both have the same underlying problem: Both totally overlook the fact that we don’t live in a bubble where everything is static and no change is happening.
Changes happen all the time.
Life happens, as we often say.
Sometimes we work a lot, sometimes less. Sometimes we are at a very busy state of our careers or the year, and there’s very little we can do about it.
And the other changes? Those curveballs life throws us at, they keep coming! Always.
"In terms of these definitions stated above, I agree with the claim stating that work-life balance is a lie. If you look at it this way, balance impossible to reach."
But I share neither of those definitions. I don’t believe in them, for the obvious reasons stated above.
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The Liberating Secret You’ve Been Waiting to Hear – Forget the Guilt
Balance is about living in alignment with your values.
Sometimes those values collide with each other, like advancing in your career and being a loving parent.
You do your best.
And if you do it mindfully, you share your ambitions with your loved ones, so they can understand and support you when those tough times begin. – And you need to be doing the same for them.
Balance all about being mindful about your choices: Thoughtful prioritization that aligns with your core beliefs and big goals in life. You simply can’t do everything and be everything to everyone.
This comes down to understanding that saying ”yes” to something is saying ”no” to something else.
You have to choose, prioritize what you are focusing on and acknowledge that it’s a mindful decision. And because of that, you are setting yourself free from the other pressures. You know that your prioritization is based on solid ground. You know there are those other things too but you also know, that now it’s not the time to get too involved with them. Their time will come, later.
Living a balanced life is about balancing with your choices so that in the big picture, you’re still living in alignment with your values and moving towards your big vision and dreams.
Balanced Life is a process, a way of life
"The truth;
These are things that we need to get back to. There’s no such thing as creating balance and then ticking the box: DONE."
These are things that we need to get back to. There’s no such thing as creating balance and then ticking the box: DONE."
So, being balanced is a constant quest which never ends.
As a human being, you are going to feel pain, stress and overwhelm. Balancing life is about adjusting to ever-changing situations and bringing more happiness, joy, and contentment into your life. It’s a quest you need to work with your whole life.
And this quest needs to be established on a good foundation.
This foundation is made by your personal core beliefs, your core values.
These are the ultimate truths that you’d live and maybe even die for.
The foundation also includes your vision, your dreams in life.
What kind of life do you want to create? How does it feel like?
Your personal values act as a compass guiding you through life’s decisions and curveballs.
My definition to balance (we all have our own!)
To me, balance is, above all, a state of mind.
To me, being balanced means that for most of the time:
- I feel calm, grounded and confident, my mind is peaceful.
- I feel clear-headed, energetic and motivated to pursue my goals.
- I feel good about the relationships that matter the most to me.
- I confidently know that my life and choices are based on my core beliefs, and so it makes it all right – to me.
- I feel like I’m at the top of things – while surprises always happen, I can adapt to them with calmness.
- I know there’s no need to panic over things I can’t control, it is what it is.
- I know what I need to focus on, whether it’s at work, home or wherever and whatever I’m doing.
- I allow myself to have time without doing anything productive.
- I know how to listen to myself, and recognize the messages my body and mind are giving to me. I know how to act accordingly, not driving myself to burnout.
- I take care of myself both physically and mentally AND sometimes allow myself to slack and eat bad food.
"I know I can’t control everything, and yes, sometimes I make bad choices. Sometimes I also freak out. Life happens and we can’t control it. What we can do, is accept and adapt – sometimes after first freaking out, but more sooner the better. So, this is what my definition of balance looks like. Feeling good, calm and clear-headed, for most of the time."
Have you noticed, that I’ve removed the word ”work” or ”professional life” out of the equation?
"It’s just balance. Or if you just have to toss in a qualifying noun, it’s ”life.” Life Balance."
As you perfectly well know, you are a whole person and while your professional self is somewhat different than your self in private life, these two cannot be totally separated. There isn’t an off switch you could just turn and stop being that professional you are or that wonderful person you are to your loved ones.
So, when I talk about balance, I don’t mean distributing your time evenly mapped out time slots.
What does Balance / Being balanced / Living a balanced life mean to you?
Do my definitions resonate with you? Or is it something else to you?
If my definition of balance didn’t resonate with you, what about my perspective of what being balanced is NOT (meaning that if I found myself in these descriptions, I’d say that I’m out of balance and need to change things).
How does being balanced / out of balance feel to you?
Clarifying What Balanced Life Is NOT
To me, what being balanced is NOT, for most of the time…:
- Feeling guilty over my choices, what I did or didn’t do.
- Punishing myself out of the guilt.
- Feeling overwhelmed by everything I need to get done.
- Over-reacting to unexpected things, being unable to look at the grand scheme.
- Feeling symptoms of too much stress and just pushing through, ignoring the need for slowing down in order to take care of my mental wellbeing.
Does this fit into your definition of what balance is not?
"As you might have noticed, my definition of balance, what it is and what it’s not, relates to a state of mind and heavily to feelings."
How To Bring More Balance In Your Life?
Life happens and sometimes you feel that exhausting, overwhelming stress. When this happens, you can tune your life in a more balanced direction with these action steps:
- Meditate. Focus on the current moment, learn to live in the present. In action: Sit still for a while and focus on your breathing. There are different kinds of ways to do meditation and if you’re totally new to it, I suggest that you try out one of numerous meditation phone apps. Personally, I love Calm.
- Brain dump all your worries and things you need to remember to a piece of paper, maybe a notebook: Give yourself permission to forget. If you try to remember everything, you are intentionally keeping your mind busy and causing stress to yourself.
- Do more of things that give you joy, less of those which drain you. There’s no reason to cut these things only to weekends or holidays.
- Do aerobic exercise: go for a run, use cardio machines at the gym or do HIIT exercise at home. Basically everything, that increases your heart rate.
- Reach out to loved ones but don’t drown them with your anxiety. It won’t help you and you’ll only transfer your overwhelm and bad feelings to others. Instead, tell them that you are a bit stressed and could use a distraction. Focus on them! What’s going on in their lives? Could they use help with something? Make it all about them.
Action Steps For You Take
"It’s always personal and unique how you define balance and when your life feels balanced or out of balance."
- create your definition
- don’t pay too much attention to other’s definitions
- don’t let other’s judge you and if they’re arrogant enough to do so, don’t listen
- don’t feel guilty if you are happy with your choices but they don’t match with someone else’s opinion of balance or good choices
"Forget the guilt. You are the only one who knows what’s best for you and your life as a whole."
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